I Will Always Fight

Loser! Failure! You’re a mistake

My few companions since I was eight

Acidic words were my best friends

even before I learned how to live

Before it began, my life was broken

Shattered pieces of heart, never united

A battle underwent without my knowledge

My guileless soul and body were the soldiers

For years they fought a battle lost

They needed me to guide them on

To believe in myself and use my head

To protect my heart from the evil spells

My biggest mistake was to ignore their cries

You see, I always believed the lies

that I was worthless, that I was a nobody

that I will never be a positive beneficiary

Of simple things like love and joy

or even friends in my dead end life

I believed, I trusted in all these words

till one day my heart could take it no more

It’s too late, I know, to win this war

the scars are not visible, but there are scars

So instead I fight till I breathe my last breath

Be alive and live and be proud of myself

That no matter what, I never gave up

to destroy those words that swallowed me whole

I will never again let another soul

tell me I don’t belong in this world

© NJ

Written in response to dVerse’s Poetics prompt.

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24 thoughts on “I Will Always Fight

  1. Children are cruel aren’t they? I specially hate it when: Acidic words were my best friends ~

    Hope you are moving on and letting those scars fade and fade away ~ Thanks for joining us ~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If it was just friends, I could have moved on and found better ones. But, unfortunately, it was a whole package of family members, teachers, the voices in my own head… the whole lot. Thankfully, after a lot of fighting, I have moved on and am continuing to do so. Hopefully those scars will disappear forever 🙂 Thank you, Grace 🙂

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    1. True. With me though, it was a mix of family, teachers, friends, inner voices… everything. I do agree with you. I hate it when people pretend and I refuse to let them get to me now 🙂

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  2. Exceedingly passionate. I can somewhat relate – I’ve spent a lifetime raising my defences against my own inner voices which speak to me in a way I’d never talk to my friends and loved ones. I know where it comes from, but logic doesn’t always win against emotion!

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    1. Unfortunately, it was mix of everything for me. From family members to teachers to friends to the voices in my head. IT was tough fighting it especially when no belief or trust or self-esteem or any such thing existed inside. And you are so right. Logic takes a hard beating in spite of it being right. Coming out of all of it in a positive way was the best way to defeat it.

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  3. sMiLes in my life failure
    was quite the opposite..
    at least in ways school/work
    and sure in social life i often got
    the failure response all too often..
    and at nows still do from those noW
    not nearly as free spirited now as i..
    but anyway.. school and
    work is what we have
    to do to even
    eat and sleep
    alone.. but
    anyway.. i suppose
    since i could never get
    the social part wRite i did
    everything else in perfect
    motivation to never make
    a frigging mistake.. and
    truly in ways of work
    and school
    it took
    close to
    40 years for
    someone to give
    me just the kick out
    of perfection i needed
    and to say the magic words
    YOU FAILED.. i tried my best
    but my boss.. a Female Captain
    in the New NAVY said YOU FAILED..
    seriously.. everyone hated that lady
    everyone on the entire Naval
    Station.. and the fact
    that she would
    not let me
    continue
    to be
    perfect in the
    longest of runs
    saved my soul…
    my family wanted
    to ‘kill her’ but seriously
    if i ever see her again i will
    give her the biggest kiss of
    joy ever for making me a
    Sacred
    Fool now..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. oh my dear, oh my dear NJ! The first line surely made me know that this is true. Your words are fierce, raw. There is pain, yet there is valor. And valor has defeated the demonic words. And I can’t help but be very proud of you my dear friend. ❤ You go and prove them all wrong, my dear! You are more than those acidic words! ❤ ❤ ❤ Sending love and hugssssssssssss to you! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thank you so much, Rose ❤ ❤ ❤
      These are just memories now. Memories can never be erased. Especially from my head where everything seems to stick! 😀 It was tough, very tough but then so is life. And the only way to defeat all the pain is to shower it abundantly with happiness 🙂 That is what I strive to do so daily 🙂 With friends like you around, life is even more cheerful 🙂
      Tons and tons of hugs and loads and loads of love to you too, dear ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I admire your soul, my dear NJ! You are not just a great writer, you are a brave soul too. And I so agree, you cannot change your past. It is what it is. But your present and you future are both in your hands. 🙂 And I am happy your choosing happiness over dark memories! 🙂 You go, girl! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Indeed, the present and future are in my hands 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind words, Rose 🙂 ❤ Friends like you are truly a blessing for me 🙂

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  5. This reminds me of that imagery of the phoenix rising from the ashes for you have truly taken those voices and pain and found your wings in spite of it all. Thanks for joining in for the prompt, NJ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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