The Daily Prompt: Phobia, Shmobia

The biggest fear I’ve conquered would be the fear of LONELINESS. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been so afraid of it that I would tolerate each and every little thing done by others in my life. It didn’t matter how bad, how dumb, how painful, how appalling it was. I took it. Why? Because I felt living WITH them was much better than living WITHOUT them. I nearly reached the point of giving up. Well, life taught me that THAT isn’t so. Thankfully. But getting over it was an extremely painful process. I still go through minor bouts of it but not as severe as before. The minute the feeling creeps in, I get out of it before I fall into the trap again. 

Learning Through Trials

I tried so hard, so very hard

But now I feel I should just give up

And leave it to fate to figure it out

Where I’m heading and if I’m alone

I’ve started a course of my own

And if anyone wants to join along

They’re welcome to share their lives with me

But never to expect the same from me

I’m learning to share my love with me

I know that sounds pretty funny

But since all I did was live for others

I’m going to start living for myself

In that process if people out there

Think I’m being totally unfair

I’ll accept their word and keep my silence

For there’s no point in explaining my reason

I just hope if I live till I’m eighty

I can look back and not feel guilty

Of missing chances to do things for me

Coz I was busy doing things for others, you see


The Daily Prompt: These Horns Were Made for Tooting

Hmmm, one thing that I love about myself and few people know?

Well, I guess the best aspect would be the fact that I never get angry and I don’t use swear words. AT ALL. It’s not like I restrict myself and count to ten or try and control my emotions or something. It’s nothing like that. I’ve just never felt the need for it. I very rarely get hot tempered and blow up.

I get upset, I get irritated, and I get annoyed; I get exasperated… but real anger? You know, the ‘screaming out loud, throwing things around, using swear words left, right and center’ kinda anger?? Nah. Not me. Honestly, I find that a waste of my time.

Even when I do get angry, I don’t scream or throw things at people. I might use a loud voice and ‘talk’ to them but never scream. My friends would always ask me, “how in world don’t you get angry?” I just shrug and smile at them.

For me, the best way to deal with anger is to just walk away or take some time off from everyone. I do definitely tell people that I need some time alone though. It may not necessarily be because I’m angry but either way I inform people.

I’ve been around short tempered people my whole life. I see them snap for the smallest and silliest of things and it makes me wonder. So I guess, in a way, I learned to be more patient and understanding even more by looking at their reactions.

Although, people who know me tell me I tend to be OVERLY patient and understanding but that can be explained on another day…


The Daily Prompt: Daily Ritual

I have quite a few daily rituals that I try my best to follow every single day. But there is one that just completely upsets my balance if I don’t follow it for more than three days at a stretch. Actually there are two.

The first…

This is what I do when I’m up and awake in the mornings. I give a few minutes of thought to gratitude.

I’m grateful that I’m still alive

I’m grateful for all the people in my life

I’m grateful for being strong and wise

I’m grateful for all the things in my life

I’m grateful that I can read and write

I’m grateful for being sensible and wise

I’m grateful for all the senses in me

I’m grateful that I am as healthy as can be

I’m grateful that I can touch and feel

I’m grateful that I can hear and see

I’m grateful that I can walk around

I’m grateful I can carry things around

I’m grateful that God has given me this gift

I’m grateful that He lets me live

I’m grateful that through all my years

He kept me safe and sound each year

We tend to take so many things for granted. It’s just easier to do so. But I don’t like doing that. I don’t want to take anything for granted and I truly want to be grateful for every little and big thing in my life. The days I’m in a hurry or don’t end up saying it in my head, I make sure that I find the time to do so later. I ensure I never miss reminding myself of it. it just feels weird if I don’t do it. Even if it is as simple as muttering it in my head. After all, how hard could it be, right?

The second one…

At night, I tend to unwind by listening to some soothing music. Almost in a meditative way. So I’m away from my phone majority of the times. In fact, I’m away from the phone way into the morning. It helps me relax before I go to sleep. it helps calm my stressed up mind and body before falling asleep. And I have observed that for whatever reasons I don’t listen to it, my sleep isn’t as restful. I wake up disturbed and groggy as compared to feeling as rested and cheerful. My head invariably tends to pound by the end of the day and I’m dead exhausted. But meditative music, or any music for that matter, definitely lifts my mood up more than anything.


The Daily Prompt: First Crush

Every Christmas, New Year, Easter Sunday and other occasions, masses would be conducted on the church ground instead of inside the church. Scores of people would attend and not everyone would fit inside the church.

She would go along with her family. He went along with his family as well.

The first time she laid eyes on him, she wanted to slap him. The first time he laid eyes on her, he was frowning. Neither said nor did anything though.

Invariably every year on every occasion they would spot each other. Him, with his frown and her, with her feeling of making his face un-frown.

It took a while for her to realise that that was his natural face. But then she began to notice things about him. Like how tall he was, how well dressed he would be, his eyes, his frown (she grew to be fond of it), his voice (he would conduct the readings at times during mass), his family etc. Even though they didn’t speak, she knew that he was noticing things about her too. Or at least she hoped.

Without realising it, she started taking more care with the way she looked, how she handled herself and so on. She started looking forward to glimpses of him every time she went for mass. They barely had eye contact but when they did, she would always have the urge to giggle or laugh out loud. So she would concentrate on keeping a straight face and either look away or look down and hide her grin.

She got to know his name by accident. One of the Fathers of the church was testing the mike and yelled out his name. That’s how she knew. He never got to know her name though.

There were times when it was pure luck that their families happen to choose seats either before or after each other. Resulting in either he would be sitting in front of her or she would be sitting in front of him. She preferred him sitting in front. Obviously. Her heart always raced at the sight of him. It almost made her feel at peace. It made her feel normal in her secretive chaotic mess of a world.

She was in school the first time she saw him. She knew it wasn’t love at first sight or any such thing. For her, it was a way of knowing that her heart could feel such emotions and that she wasn’t all destroyed yet. It was a way of looking forward to something. Even if it was just a glance from a boy.

Years passed by and she graduated, got her first job, but they never spoke to each other except for those glances. Not one ‘hello’ or any such dramatic words. Eventually she moved away and that was that.

She did notice one thing though. His frown did reduce considerably.


P.S. To be honest, I don’t remember much about my first crush. I don’t think I even had one. Apart from Robert Downey Jr. But EVERYONE loves him. I didn’t know what exactly to write about that so I made up a story. Well, parts of it are made up.

The Daily Prompt: Inside the Bubble

If I had to spend a month in quarantine, I would take a truckload of books and just read. That is one of the most favourite pass times for me. I enjoy reading thoroughly. This way, I get to go through the sky high pile of new books that I have and I don’t even have to get off the bed and work.

I would also write about my experiences of sitting in an isolated bubble. Considering no one will be allowed in there, it would be lonely. At times. But I’m not scared of it. I like my alone time. I’m not sure of a continuous 30 days of alone time though. But then again I don’t have much of a choice, do I?

If I’m allowed a camera, I would take that too and take pictures. Yes, I’m sure it’s a little weird. But I would like to take pictures of my progress in terms of my health just to know what I’ve managed to get through successfully. It’ll be a nice motivator for the future.

I would take all my craft ‘tools’. I like to quill, make new things, paint, draw, try my hand at sketching/doodling. Granted, I might not be all great at it, but hey, I have 30 days to get better. I would definitely use that time for it.

So if I spend a little more than a week for all of the above mentioned activities, a month will just whizz by.